One of the things that I had hoped to get better at was writing. I had big ideas of stories I wanted to write, I wanted to use the quarantine as an opportunity to get ahead of the curve. So I took classes, started habits, and gathered all of the necessary resources to ensure that success was a likely probability. I’ll be honest. I’ve struggled, it’s become an uphill battle to continue this pursuit and as we near the end of a strict quarantine I’m left with the feeling of not having done enough. I’m not entirely sure how to explain it, my intention in being better is most certainly there but for me, I’m always missing something.
Anyways, this is another attempt at being better. I think that at some point I realized that it’s easier for me to write in a format that in some ways implies that an audience is reading, where in reality I almost hope no one reads this. It’s a bit embarrassing publishing my inner thoughts when half of the shit that leaves my head is half-formed, unfiltered dogshit anyway.
I’m writing this for myself so that I can start writing in a more free-flowing manner, I’m even debating if I should try to simply remove my backspace key entirely. Maybe not physically, but just refrain from using it. I find that one of my bigger inhibitors to actually putting words down on a page is that I start editing my sentence AS I’m writing it. I write a word, I delete a word. An hour gained working on my writing, is an hour lost that I could have used throughout my day on something else, like – actually writing!
So here it is, attempt #601 on trying to become a better person, in my eyes at least. With this practice I hope to become more confident, and calculated in the words that I write, and really open up my expressive self in a concise manner. I hope that all makes sense, I’m trying to also lose the habit of using words I don’t truly understand.
Anyways, see you tomorrow!